I need to post something...hmm...I shall give you one of the footnotes that I wrote during NaNoWriMo. There were a ton of them, but I'd have to say that this one is my favorite, and the reason I was able to reach my 50K goal. Enjoy.
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* You know the one I’m talking about. Tttthhhh- Pluenthuk! From those disgusting bathrooms that you seem to always find when you really, really have to go to the bathroom and so you have no choice but to use them and so you’re walking to the stalls and the floor is smelly and gross and an odd color and you wish that you didn’t have that hole in the bottom of your shoe, but think Well, at least I remembered to wear socks this morning, but then you open up the stall, which, by the way, is just about to fall off its hinges thanks to rust and so you close it, and the lock doesn’t work. Well, actually, that’s unfair to the lock. It may, at one point in time have worked and might actually still work today except you don’t know where it is right then or what condition it might be in because somebody stole it. You know this because Ray, your cousin, was going on about how somebody stole a lock for some god forsaken reason and how he had to replace it, but nobody gave him another lock or told him where to get one, or even where a new bathroom door could be found, so he just drew one (a lock that is. I don’t know what else you might have been thinking that he drew but just stop it, okay? ‘Cause it’s not even funny) on a sticky note, and you helped him, it was actually your idea to use a sticky note and then you take it off and you read the back where Ray had written ‘Sorry. Our real lock was stolen by an Australian terrorist organization. Don’t panic though, it was booby- trapped so they’re all gone now. I suggest that you find another stall, but only if you really, really have to go. Otherwise, what one earth are you still doing here? These bathrooms are disgusting!’ and somebody else had written, ‘you’re telling me!’ and you briefly wonder why somebody looked at the back of a lock/ sticky- note but then you realize that you did the exact same thing, so you put it back and open up the stall door which is making some really ominous creaking noises that you would explain further, if you were say, oh, I don’t know, write an 50K word book, except in this book (hypothetically of course) the last time you tried to explain a noise you ended up writing about nasty bathrooms for some reason and you just don’t feel like making yet another footnote because that would just be weird, but you’re not even writing a book then, you’re just trying to go to the bathroom, so you heave a sigh and twist your legs tighter together, lest your bowels revolt and add to the disgusting bathroom floor and then you think, Oh, maybe that’s why these floors are like this! People couldn’t find the stalls in time! But then you think about it a bit more and realize how silly that is, because the bathrooms must have been nice at one point in time (I mean, really, how many people will purposely create ucky bathrooms? Not very many, let me tell you) and so who had peed on the floor first? Then you feel really silly, because there’s a perfectly good potted plant right by the door to the bathroom and they would have just used that. Duh. So then you go and you open up the next stall, seriously hoping that it’s okay because the type of bathroom that you’re in is one of those really small ones where there’s no mirror (it got stolen too, according to Ray) and only two stalls, which you think is kinda weird because usually these types of bathrooms will have at least three, but whatever and after you check the lock to make sure it’s still there, which it is so that’s good and you’re just about to sit down when you happen to glance back and you see the toilet and you suddenly realize why the bathroom smells the way it does, for some slob has left his smelly leavings (le gasp!) and my gawd its enormous, you didn’t even think that it was possible for someone’s diarrhea to be that bad. In fact, the only thing that you can compare it to is that in that book that you’re hypothetically writing, its one footnote that tries to explain a sound and ends up having a five thousand plus word footnote, and so you’re thinking that if that footnote went through a machine that turned writing into its real world equivalent (for instance, if the Harry Potter books went in, something along the lines of magical fruit punch would come out) then instead of magical fruit punch or even normal fruit punch, the stuff that was in the toilet would come out and the machine’s inventor would ban you from ever using the machine again and that bitter old sod would also make you clean it up and so mentally, you would stop calling him a bitter old sod and change that to a bitter old sot, which you’re pretty sure doesn’t actually mean anything and is just another word that you made up and that your English teacher is always telling you to stop using in your papers and then gets a bit miffed when you bring up Alice in wonderland and the Jabberwock and the jub- jub bird and also how he couldn’t even make those words up himself, he had to use drugs to do it and you didn’t even have (that much) caffeine coursing through your veins when you had made them up, so there, plus, you also think that if the inventor really was an old sod, that he might actually want the mass of what you are now referring to as gross- nasty, in homage to a good book that you read a while back called Dear Dumb Diary or some such, because bitter sod that he was he might actually want it because, you know, gross- nasty would be fertilizer or something for him, and then you remember the potted plant and you think about what a seriously morally bankrupt thing that would be to do to a plant even if he was bitter and old and making you clean up after your hypothetical footnote. Then you look back down at gross- nasty and decide then and there that for the good of your bowels and also because you can’t possibly twist your legs any more than you already are and you think you may have heard something go pop that you’re just going to use the potted plant because if cow poo is fertilizer your, *ahem*, number one, should be okay and maybe even healthy for the plant, but you don’t believe that for one second and really, you’re just hoping that you don’t kill it because it seems like a good little plant. Then you think about the condition of the bathrooms and the smell and the frequency of Australian terrorists to it (Australian terrorists are notorious for their cruelty to plants), but first you (because you are of a kind and gentle disposition and do not wish evil on anybody) lean over and try to flush the toilet. You have to make sure that you don’t breath in because the smell is so malodorous (which, by the way, happens to be the Lets abuse Microsoft’s Thesaurus word of the day) that you’re afraid that if you get a direct whiff of the stuff that your eyes will roll back in your head and you’ll pass out, falling into the aforementioned smelly leavings of the aforementioned slob and that would just be gross. And nasty. So you hold your breath and reach over the bowl to the flusher stick that nobody ever thought to give a name to (well, either that or you forgot it, but really it’s probably the former) and you push it down with one finger because given the state of the rest of the bathroom you really don’t want to risk touching anymore of it than you have to, and so down it goes and your finger kinda hurts, but that’s okay because your just being a baby about things and so you hear the water rushing in to take care of the leavings, just as God’s rains came down and swept away all but Noah, the animals, and his family and for a second you even think you see him and his wife climbing out, but then you just realize that, no, it was a trick of the flickering light bulb above you and that it’s actually a couple of flies who had been feasting on what passed for gross- nasty’s (or would it be gross- nasties? No, I think I used the right one, because the second one would be numerous gross- nasties and you don’t even want one. That would be horrible, not to mention cruel and unusual) flesh and they look at you angrily because you just totally crashed their party, but they can’t do much because they’re flies and you’re a human and so they buzz off, mourning the loss of gross- nasty and you manage to hop out of the bathroom stall, I say hop because your legs are wound up like a twisty tie and you bladder feels like it’s going to pop, and so like I said, you hop on over to the potted plant and, with one hand on the door lest somebody come in, you pee in the plant in a way that I’ll let you imagine for yourself because I am a girl writing this and so for me of course, this is all taking place in the girl’s bathroom (this, men reading this, is also why you noticed a distinct lack of urinals) but if you’re a guy it would be very awkward for you to be in a girls bathroom (so please, just imagine that the urinals got stolen too. Don’t worry, they were booby- trapped too, just like the lock. The mirror wasn’t’ but I’m sure that when the lock exploded that the mirror did its part by proving to be an excellent source of shrapnel) and so you are imagining this taking place in the men’s bathroom. On top of all this, men and women both have very different ways of doing their oh, heck with this I’m just gonna go ahead and write pee. What’s my problem? Its just pee. Everybody does it. Wait, what? You don’t pee? You’ve never peed? What the heck is wrong with you man?! You need to get to a hospital or something! pee in different ways. Right, so and after that, you zip your pants back up, wishing you had taken some toilet paper, and then you think, well, its not too late, I can still get some, so you open up the stall with gross- nasty in it, expecting to see the vile thing gone but instead you find that its bigger. You didn’t even think that that was possible, but there it is, in front of you and it’s growing bigger by the second. You suddenly come to an awful conclusion: Gross- nasty is soaking up all the water. Horrified, you forget all about the uncomfortable, slightly wet feeling in your undies (or boxers, if that’s just the way you roll) and you race out of the bathroom to go hide in the candy rack of the gas station that this is all taking place in, the breeze that you create as you leave taking with it a single leaf of the plant, its silent thank you for the merciful euthanasia that you have provided. I’m coming mother, the breeze seems to whisper and slowly, the plant dies, your urine coursing through its system (over a period of about 3 to 6 days. Sorry, but your pee just isn’t the fastest working poison in the world). After cowering in the candy rack for a few moments and probably scaring the seven year old who was trying to shoplift a pack of jujubes by making this weird wookie sound in the back of your throat that you make sometimes by moving your uvula back and forth, you realize that you should probably tell somebody about gross- nasty and how it’s growing larger by the second, but then you realize that when you tell somebody, they’ll think that you’re gross- nasty’s creator and that would be seriously embarrassing, so you just wait for a while until you figure the water has stopped coming and gross- nasty has stopped growing (hopefully) and so you carefully get out from the candy rack and this one teenage girl who’s wearing these really cool, almost combat boots that you think you’d like and under normal circumstances you’d go over and tell her how much you liked them ask her where she got them, but she just watched you climb out from where you were hiding in a candy rack of all places, not to mention you think that it may have been her little brother that you scared off, and so you just walk by her, mourning the loss of not knowing where she got those awesome boots, but then as your walking past and trying to avoid eye contact because she’s kinda staring at you and your almost certain that she’s judging you and you really hope that she doesn’t ask you why you were hiding in the candy rack because then you would have to tell her all about gross- nasty and how you peed in a potted plant to help in out of it’s sad, sad half- life and then she would look at you really, really weirdly and you just don’t want to go through all of that, but then to your horror, she looks at you, opens her mouth and says,
“Hey, thanks for stopping my brother from stealing that candy. He is such a little brat. He shoplifts all the time and my mom doesn’t believe a word of it, she’ll tell me to stop trying to get him in trouble. You can’t imagine how happy I am that somebody has finally caught him in the act.”
And so you say how it was nothing and you guys chat a little bit and you ask her where she got her boots and she says that she got them from Target and so your all like, of course, and you two talk about how wonderful target is until her little brother comes back and he opens his mouth to say something and then he sees you and he turns a very delicate color of grey, not quite unlike the color that your Uncle Frankie turned that one time when he had too much of the spiked eggnog that your mom had put out when everybody came to your house for Christmas that you and Ray weren’t allowed to have because it was, of course, spiked and so you two just hid under the table, hidden by the festive Christmas tablecloth and told scary stories because Ray had gotten a crank flashlight and so what other kinds of stories would you be telling? But you really weren’t too good at making up scary stories and so eventually you gave up and just watched Uncle Frankie get drunker and drunker, until he finally went into sort of this weird mini coma that to that day you still weren’t sure what it was, because if he had passed out you wouldn’t have been able to wake him up, but that part comes later. So anyway, Uncle Frankie had gone into his weird mini coma and so you and Ray, because nobody else is in the room (they’re all watching a football game and avoiding Uncle Frankie in the other room) you go upstairs and get one of your mom’s bras, though it’s a bit hard to find them because when you were really little you liked to get them and put them on your head and run around the neighborhood wearing nothing but the bra on your head and a towel that you had stolen from the bathroom and pretend to be super fly or the fly man or sometimes McFly. This for some reason really embarrassed your mother, even though when you got older you started wearing clothes when you did it, she was still embarrassed and so nowadays (or rather, thenadays) she would hide her bras from you, but she wasn’t too good at it and so after you found one, you went back downstairs to where Ray was waiting for you because he had been assigned to get a couple of grapefruits from the fruit dish (you didn’t have a bowl) and so the two of you put the bra on Uncle Frankie and then you put the grapefruits in, which was hard because you mom’s bra’s just weren’t that big but you managed to do it and so then you were about to dump so ice water on him to wake him up, but before you did that, Ray saw his little sister’s ‘Hannah Montana’ wig and you put in on him and then splashed the water on his face and he woke up and was really groggy and so you and Ray started yelling about how the sex-change operation had been a complete success and asking him how he felt and he thought you and Ray were just kidding until you showed him a mirror and his face turned the exact same color as Amber (the girl with the really cool target boots and the little brother who shoplifts and is now possibly maybe hopefully scared for life)’s little brother did when he saw you, only her little brother didn’t run down into the family room and start yelling to everyone watching TV about what their two brats had done to him and how his girlfriend wasn’t going to be happy which was a good thing, because if Amber’s little brother (who’s name turned out to be Jakey) had done that, then it would be really weird, not to mention completely out of context. What he does do however after turning this delicate, Uncle Frankie-esque shade of grey is to stare at the floor and mumble something about wanting to leave and so Amber rolls her eyes and says how she has to go, but first you exchange email addresses (because you don’t have a cell phone) so you can talk later and you feel a bit embarrassed when you give her yours because it’s something you made up when you were really little and so it’s pretty cheesy, but you feel better when Amber gives you her’s and says how she thinks that its sill because she made it up when she was little too and how it’s really stupid, but you tell her that it’s fine and that yours is too and it actually turns out that hers is Tweetybird48, which isn’t nearly as dumb as yours, but whatever and so they leave and you remember about the bathrooms and the horrors that lie within (i.e.- grossnasty) and so you go up to the counter where Ray is working and you wait until the guy in front of you is done checking out and you analyze what he’s getting which seems to be an assortment of chocolate laxative, cigarettes, a lottery ticket, and 24 packs of the store made beef jerky which you and Ray both know isn’t really beef, but whatever got stuck in the glue traps that morning, along with snakes that your and Ray’s friend who also works at the gas station, though he isn’t there right now’s cat, Leo, Leonardo di Vinchi, di Caprio, Dry Bones IIIV would catch and leave in his bed. It is safe to say that Leo, Leonardo di Vinchi, di Caprio, Dry Bones IIIV did not like Ray’s friend very much, though you couldn’t blame it really. You would leave dead snakes in somebody’s bed too if they had named you Leo, Leonardo di Vinchi, di Caprio, Dry Bones IIIV, though it was a smart move by Ray’s friend to use his cat’s hatred towards him to help further the process of jerky making, and the man left with his chocolate laxative, cigarettes, a lottery ticket, and 24 packs of mystery jerky and so you go up and Ray says hi and tells you that you were in the bathroom for a really long time and so you tell him about how you met and talked to Amber and also about grossnasty and how it grew and Ray goes very, very pale and after a glance up at the security camea he whispers our of the corner of his mouth, like the two of you are being watched, which of course you are. Maybe. At this point in time we have to bring in something to this story that we have previously avoided, bring in that is, the metaphysical. You see, you and Ray are being watched by the security camera, but there is nobody watching the tape at the moment, and it is possible that no one ever will. It is also possible that there could be a break in and the tape would be reviewed by many a high ranking government official who would see the two of you taking as well as the man buying his chocolate laxative, cigarettes, a lottery ticket, and 24 packs of mystery jerky, or something really funny could happen and so the gas station would decide to send the tape in to America’s Funniest Home Video’s and it would be seen by millions of people, but as it is Ray is just being a little eccentric and overly dramatic as always, so you don’t think much of it and concentrate more on what he’s whispering to you which is something along the lines of, “Oh Dear God, what have you done woman?! You have fed the beast! Quick, before some scoundrel sees us conversing over it, go and tell Natasha about it because that stupid rule says whoever finds it or gets told about it first had to clean it up! Run dear cuz, run like the wind!” and so, your respect for Ray, and your memory of his slight germ phobia along with you being of the kind and gentle persuasion, the kind of person who would never wish evil upon anyone and so you go to the back where Natasha, Ray and you’s (when you’re working there. You’re not right now, but you had nothing better to do, so you decided to hang out with Ray) coworker, and you tell her how you were in the bathroom and you opened one of the stalls and you saw grossnasty there but you don’t say grossnasty because Natasha has always thought that you and Ray were a couple of weirdos, ever since a couple of years back when the two of you had pretended to be superheroes and had ran around the gas station, outside of the gas station and on the gas station’s roof, though you and the authorities still weren’t sure how you had gotten up there and like I said, you and Ray had been pretending to be superheroes, or at least you were until you pushed Ray into a vat of toxic waste which was actually the ice cooler but no self respecting superhero has ever fallen into an ice cooler, but when Ray came out, he wasn’t a superhero anymore, he was a supervillian and so the tow of you started fighting, but you’re not sure why Natasha is so bitter about that, but you think maybe it’s because when you were running from supervillian Ray’s wrath you had to jump up on the counter and you accidently stepped in her pasta which she had been eating for lunch, but seriously though, that was two years ago and she should have gotten over it by now, especially because when you and Ray did your monthly masked marauder misadventures (Ray was fond of alliteration) the two of you were really, really careful not to step in her lunch, even when she wasn’t having pasta. She had even complained to your boss about it, but according to Ray he had just laughed and said something about people coming every month, just to watch the two of you’s continuing epic battle between the forces of good and evil and how that one time when you hadn’t been able to do it because you were in a full body cast because of an encounter with some vicious wolves in what had either been the forest or the Art hallway of your school, but you really weren’t sure, because when you think back, you just remember a lot of barking and growling and bad breath and then everything goes kinda fuzzy, the store’s income rate had dropped dramatically. At any rate you don’t have a problem with Natasha even though she obviously has one with you, Ray and/or superheroes/supervillians in general, so you just say that there are some smelly leavings in stall number two, the one that still has a lock and that you thought she should know and could she go clean it up and you also suggest that she might light some scented candles or something and replace the mirror and maybe even think about getting a new plant and then you realize that instead of killing the plant you could have just stolen it because anybody would have just assumed that it was those darn Australian terrorists again, but then you think how if you had decided to take the plant home then you wouldn’t have been able to go to the bathroom and then you realize that the floor in there needs to be scrubbed or mopped or ripped up and burned or something and so you mention it to Natasha along with the other stuff and you smile because you’re feeling that warm, charitable glow that you always get from helping to clean bathrooms, but Natasha isn’t smiling and actually she’s glaring at you and maybe giving you the evil eye, but you figure that she’s doing it wrong because you would guess that when somebody’s eye is twitching that badly, that it would probably mess up whatever enchantment they were trying to put on you. Then she looks over at where Ray was, but you can just see the tufts of his weird, orangy hair that he had, even though he was born with brown hair like you, he does a whole lot of swimming and so the chlorine combined with all the sunshine has kinda bleached his hair. That and his onetime not too long ago when you squirted lemon juice in his hair just for the heck of it and told him that it was just water, so he went out into the sun to let his hair dry and well, you know what happens after that…except Natasha didn’t care about how Ray’s hair got how it was and neither does the lady who he was checking out at the cash register and she looks kinda confused, but she just sighs and your guessing that she’s thinking that with everything else that goes on, this really isn’t the worst that could happen. Natasha on the other hand lets out something that’s halfway between a growl, and the weird throaty noise that your friend Chris made when she was attacked by a rogue artery shrimp and her blood was forced to flow backwards, which is funny because all Natasha has to do is clean up grossnasty and then you realize what you just thought and think that she would be better off getting attacked by a whole pack of artery shrimp, and so while she stomps off to the bathrooms, you go back to where Ray is hiding and you tell him that she’s gone and so he stands up and tries to act like his shameful display of cowardice didn’t actually happen and so he checks the patient lady about and tells you that you need to start working longer hours at the gas station, because it gets boring with just him and Natasha even if she is really good at killing the undead zombie minions of the witch doctor who lives two blocks down and has been sending them down ever since she bought some mystery jerky that gave her a rash, which is a real pity, because you know from experience that rashes are absolutely awful things and so you tell that to Ray and he’s about to quote something from Don Quixote, but all of a sudden you head Natasha from the bathroom and she saying something along the lines of “Oh my God! What the heck is this thing?!” except she didn’t actually say heck, or even h*ll, but something completely different and so then she comes back out and grabs one of the lighters with funny messages on them that you really liked looking at when you were a kid whenever you were checking out until you got older and realized how stupid they actually were, but Natasha doesn’t even stop to read it, she just tells you and Ray to get a bucket of water and goes back in to the bathroom, stony faced, so you and Ray look at each other and shrug and so you both go get a bucket of water and go back into the bathrooms where you find that Natasha has dismantled the smoke detector on the ceiling, and she has the door to grossnasty’s stall open and Ray takes one look at it and turns as grey as Uncle Frankie but stands his ground and so Natasha goes over to grossnasty who’s name was now the understatement of this millennia and she flicks the lighter, puts it down by gross- nasty and it erupts into foul smelling black flames the screams streams of curses at you and hungers for your soul and you and Natasha jump back and Ray kind of faints but manages to retain his composure, even though you’re supporting him so he doesn’t fall on the disgusting floor and watch as Natasha says “That’s how it’s done!” and you nod appreciatively, looking at Natasha with new respect in your eyes, but Ray who’s still a bit woozy asks how gross- nasty is burning because if it has so much water in then it shouldn’t be able to burn, and you and Natasha give Ray weird looks but decided to write his stupid question off as his nausea talking so you explain very slowly how gross- nasty is evil incarnate, and just like witches, ducks, wood, rocks, metal, and diamonds, evil burns very well, and then Ray realizes just how stupid his question was and the embarrassment wakes him up a little bit which is good because your arms were starting to get mighty sore because Ray is about a foot taller than you and all that swimming has actually given him some muscles so now you can’t beat him in arm wrestling, unless you move you other hand up really quick, yell divine intervention, and overpower/ take him by surprise. The three of you wait until the vile curses of gross- nasty have died out and then you douse the flames with the bucket of water and with any luck, you boss will just think that somebody was smoking in the bathroom again or that one shortish teenager with the big feet and the spikey hair had been lighting fires that he made out of the toilet paper and the mystery jerky again, and so as you, Ray and Natasha walk out, with a strange feeling of kinship rushing over the three of you now that gross- nasty has been defeated and the three of you are pretty happy but then all of a sudden, completely shattering the peaceful atmosphere a zombie crashes through the store window which does not make the sound that you expected it too at all, but that’s okay because then you remember that it’s been happening so much in the past few months that the entire front of the shop is pretty much just saran wrap which will double as glass to your nearsighted boss in a pinch. As the zombie stumbles around it lets out a horrible groan and four others quickly follow it, growling like feral, uh, growly things that, uh, growl. Yes. And as they begin to lay waste to the gas station, Natasha pulls out her two knifes, each stolen from the ancient tomb of a sorcerer so powerful, that to even say his name meant death, that is of course, as long as thinking it didn’t drive you insane first but Natasha said that if her job hadn’t yet, she was sure that the knives weren’t going to, and as she races up to the first zombie and proceeds to make eight razor cuts into it’s back, the symbol of the Egyptian sorcerer, which bursts into flames, the air it’s self not being able to bear the curse as Natasha could. Ray, fumbled for his gun, a slightly gaudy brass thing with many exposed gears and wires that he had made himself and modified to shoot silver bullets and immediately began to cock it, and then you reach for your vorpal sword and then realize, oh horror of horrors, that you left it at home. Thinking fast as the zombies keep pouring into the gas station, in numbers greater than ever before for something that you could use, and suddenly, you remember the toilet plunger from the bathroom. Racing back as Natasha shouts at you to, “Stand and fight you freak!” running in, closely followed by a zombie who is gnashing his teeth in anticipation of your ever so tasty flesh, and just in the nick of time you grasp the plunger and pull, but it is stuck. You pull and pull but you can’t get it and the zombie is breaking down the door and growling again (though really, when do zombies ever stop growling?) and remembering how you always manage to “win” arm wrestling matches, you grasp the plunger with two hands and tipping you head to the heavens you yell in a loud, commanding voice, “DIVINE INTERVENTION!” God up in heaven who has been watching the whole affair with growing amusement says, “VERY WELL” and the plunger comes up with a noise that’s it something along the lines of “Tttthhhh- Pluenthuk!”, more specifically though, it comes up in a sound exactly like the one that happened when Shay Richter let the uncast magic loose right at the center of the second triangle, allowing the glyphs to be temporarily over written and allowed a small portion of the dark magic to escape. This sound effect has been brought to you by ridiculously long footnotes everywhere.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Qwerty ate a Deer
First things first (a special message that's important, brought to you by the department of redundancy department, who are responsible for the first three words of this post): the title of this post has nothing to do with it's content. I've been getting a bit tired of making them have something to do with the content, so I may just title these the same way I title my Word or Excel thingies, er, documents.
Second things second: I have found the most wonderful Valentines day** cards. Evah. Also, they are wildly inappropriate. I loves them so. Okay, well, if you're mind is as perverted as mine, then not that perverted. Hee hee. Give these to all you're friends, stalkers, random people in the park, special someone or your gerbil*, though, like the creator (the amazing Nicole Chartrand, who can be found here: http://kitsune.rydia.net/ . Go there!) I don't suggest giving them to people who's good opinion you want.
I'll stop rambling now, Here they are:
(to get larger, printable versions, just right click on the picture and drag it up to the tab bar)
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*Actually, your gerbil would get the most use out of them, especially if you print them out on nice, thick, cardboard. I mean, seriously. Your friends will either laugh and throw it out, tape it to their locker maybe, but eventually throw it out. You're special someone will slap you depending on how well they can take a joke. Your gerbil however will get some a nicely perverted Valentines day message, as well as keep their ever growing teeth in check.
Seriously though. Give them to your friends. I know I am.
**WHY AM I STILL POSTING ABOUT VALENTINES DAY???WHYYYY????
Second things second: I have found the most wonderful Valentines day** cards. Evah. Also, they are wildly inappropriate. I loves them so. Okay, well, if you're mind is as perverted as mine, then not that perverted. Hee hee. Give these to all you're friends, stalkers, random people in the park, special someone or your gerbil*, though, like the creator (the amazing Nicole Chartrand, who can be found here: http://kitsune.rydia.net/ . Go there!) I don't suggest giving them to people who's good opinion you want.
I'll stop rambling now, Here they are:
(to get larger, printable versions, just right click on the picture and drag it up to the tab bar)
-----------------
*Actually, your gerbil would get the most use out of them, especially if you print them out on nice, thick, cardboard. I mean, seriously. Your friends will either laugh and throw it out, tape it to their locker maybe, but eventually throw it out. You're special someone will slap you depending on how well they can take a joke. Your gerbil however will get some a nicely perverted Valentines day message, as well as keep their ever growing teeth in check.
Seriously though. Give them to your friends. I know I am.
**WHY AM I STILL POSTING ABOUT VALENTINES DAY???WHYYYY????
Meme! Now with Lemon Scent!
yeah, I know I just posted, but I wanna put this up here too. Enjoy. fdes
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Na-na-na-na-Note(!): In this meme, there is smoking. Smoking is a bad thing. Aidan is an idiot in general, but doubly so for smoking. Just putting that out there. Stay in school kids. :(
1) Twi- read Lucretia's couple of sentances.
2) Lotte Vergrin- Almost motherly amazon. Treasure hunter.
3) Naren- Lesser Demon and general nusence to society.
4) Arin Huvan- a petty, semi-peace keeper and werewolf. Often seen tryign to do the right thing.
5) Lucretia Small-Superstitious messenger from a small mountion villiage. After bing attacked by a posession spirit, she lost all her memories and Twi's personality began to develop. It is unknown if Lucretia is actually in there somewhere
6) Ivaniss Wisst- Sarcastic, short, elf. Bannished from her homeland. Don't ask her about it.
7) Robert Pendragon- an evil (yet practical) genius. Wears glasses.
8) Ivory- Henchwench (like a hench man, but for women) of Robert. She and Aidan don't get along.
9) Aidan- Henchman of Robert. Likes guns. Smokes.
10) Agent Carter- the sadistic and sarcastic head of the spy agency. Most known for striking fear into the hearts of all. Often seen being the constant bane of street festivals.
NOTE: Because things like cars, email and karaoke do not exsist in Twi, Naren, Arin, Lucretia, Lotte and Ivaniss’s world, this meme will be set in present day, or at least Robert Pendragon &co.’s world and numbers one through six won’t question why
1.) [3]Naren is in need of advice from [5]Lucretia, what is it?
Naren- Oh hey, Lulu, I—
Lucretia- *hair turns to fire, skins melts off face, and she grabs Naren by the neck and whispers scarily*I’ve told you never to call me that. * throws Naren against a wall and storms off*
2.) [1]Twi, [2]Lotte, and [6]Ivaniss all have a crush on [4]Arin.
-snerk- -chortle- Bwahahahah!
Arin- Hey! It could happen!
Ivaniss- no. It really couldn’t
3.) [8]Ivory is working as a waiter/waitress and just spilt coffee over [2]Lotte.
Oh God! I’m so sorry ma’m! Here let me get you some napkins, I’m so so sorry! It’s not you’re fault, you’re fine…nothing really. Just apologizing and stained armor.
4.) [10]Agent Carter accidentally sent an e-mail to [7]Robert saying their inner darkest secret.
Robert’s mind would get the blue screen’o death for a while as his brain tried to process everything, but really, that level of fear (far greater than even being chased by timber wolves around a kitchen table while wearing socks and the floor is newly waxed) is impossibly for mortal man to feel, so all he would get is a pathetic little tingling. He would come out of the experience with new fear for Carter. He will also know the real reason why the stock market crashed, why Hitler was expelled from art school, and why the cubs haven’t on a game in the history of ever.
5.) [9]Aidan is throwing a party and only invites odd numbers. How does the party turn out?
That would be an interesting party. The Henchman of an evil genius throwing a party where he invites a brainwashed innocent, a lesser demon, the person who the brainwashed innocent used to be before she became brainwashed and innocent, and his boss. Rob would try to examine the time paradox that was before him in the form of Twi and Lucretia, but that wouldn’t work out because Twi is distracted by the lights and sounds, and Lucretia (who is an angry drunk) is buzzed and being surly. Naren would get completely drunk and invite Lucretia, Twi, and Aidan (who Naren is mistaking for a girl) to do shots off his chest. Twi would ask Rob what Naren meant, Rob would get a bit awkward, Aidan would glare at Naren and go off to smoke and Lucretia would bean Naren with a drink tray. Being a lesser demon and an embodiment of chaos and liking the feisty ones, Narne would fight back, but eventually be locked in a closet. After that, Robert would start trying to interview Lucretia and Twi again. Lucretia, who is thoroughly POed by now, shoves Robert in the closet with Naren and leaves with Twi. Naren meanwhile, thinking it’s …well, anyone but Robert, drunkenly flirts with him for about while before barfing on Rob and either falling asleep/passing out in Robert’s lap (it’s a small closet). Robert resumes banging on the closet door and yelling “Aidan! Get in here and unlock this door! He just threw up on me! Aidan!” Aidan meanwhile, is out smoking. When he finally comes back in, he hears his boss and opens the door to find Robert glaring at him, splotched with demon barf, and Naren who’s still unconscious. Aidan is a bit awkward and apologizes, they throw Naren out to the curb and Robert tells Aidan what he thinks of his party guests. Aidan says something about at least he liked one of them. Robert- What?
Aidan- Well, you were locked in a closet with him. To be honest I never really pegged you as the kind who, well, yeah. But, hey! It’s cool! I don’t discriminate. I guess this explains the ex-wife. I always wondered why you got the divorce, I mean, if you don’t mind me saying but she was hot.
Robert- …Aidan, I’m no—
Aidan- no, really it’s cool!
Robert- Aidan, I’m not gay.
Aidan- Oh…oh! I see. Still in the closet…no pun intended sir. Do your parents know?
Robert- Aidan, I’m not gay. You however, are an idiot. By the way, tomorrow it’s your turn to feed the leopard. Also, I divorced my ex-wife because she was a conniving, ill-tempered shrew of a woman who—
Aidan- NOT THE LEOPARD! ANYTHING BUT-*starts coughing and eventually hacks up a lung*
Robert- Yes aidan, the leopard.-steps over lung and leaves-
Hot day-um! I wanna go to that party!
6.) [4]Arin is locked in a closet with [6]Ivaniss at a party, what happens?
They decide that if they bang on the door people will with not hear them or assume that people are getting rowdy in the closet, and so they decide to play gin until the party’s over and then, once everyone’s gone and the parties over they’ll bang on the door so that just one person thinks that they were making out (or worse) instead of a bunch of people.
This probably doesn’t seem like the best idea, but they both love gambling, something that Lotte doesn’t like them doing.
7.) [2]Lotte just caught [3]Naren stealing cookies from the cookie jar.
Lotte: Gimmie some you hog.
Naren: -hands over a stack-
8.) [8]Ivory cranked up the music really loud at night and woke up [9]Aidan. What music is it and what happens next?
It is ‘Just a Girl’ by No Doubt, and he fires his gun at the CD player and yells at Ivory to keep it down, they’re supposed to be keeping watch for Carter’s spies. Then they start arguing about how sleeping is not keeping watch and how its quiet and how some people snore and they do this until Pendragon hears them though the reinforced steel walls of this evil lair and comes out to yell at them and spray them both with a squirt bottle. Then, a half hour later it would start up again because Aidan would realize that it was his CD player Ivory had been using.
9.) [7]Robert and [1]Twi are both at the bus stop together and it’s raining. What kind of conversation would they start?
Robert would be waiting and Twi would come out from a dinar and wait by the bus stop too, but with no umbrella. Robert would see her and ask Twi if she had an umbrella and she would say how she liked it better this way. They would end up talking in metaphors, adding onto it until it’s the most deep thing you’ve ever heard, and neither of them really know what they’re talking about anymore. Then Robert’s bus would get there and he would start to board. Twi would see the bus and head on back to the dinar. Robert would ask her if she was getting on the bus. She would reply no, she had just thought it looked like he could use some company. Once in the bus, and after checking to see if he still had his wallet, he would think about her and wonder if she had even been real or just some lost spirit. Technically she is, nobody knows it.
10.) [10]Agent Carter is hitchhiking by a road until [5]Lucretia accompanied with [1]Twi drive by, will they pick him/her up, or will 10 steal their car and leave them stranded instead?
Twi (who’s driving from the party because Lucretia’s buzzed and as we all know, buzzed driving is drunk driving) picks up Carter despite Lucretia saying they shouldn’t. At first Carter tries to commandeer the car but Lucretia glowers at her and points to the back. ‘Sit’. Recognizing kindred spirit, Carter does it without too much protest and they continue driving until Twi drives the car into a ditch ten minutes later, because, you know, Twi barely knows what a car even is.
11.) [9]Aidan, [7]Robert, and [4]Arin all run into each other after coming out from the same romance movie at the movie theater, what are their reactions?
Arin doesn’t have a clue who the other two are, and goes about his merry, slightly more in touch with his feminine side, way to go eat ice cream and have a good cry. Aidan and Robert run into each other and after a very awkward moment of staring and judging the other, they agree to never speak of it again.
12.) [5]Lucretia and [10]Agent Carter are forced to sing a duet song at karaoke. What is their reaction and are they at all good?
Ok, let’s set the scene: Twi, Lucretia and Carter have just crashed a car that was probably not theirs to begin with outside someplace that has karaoke. Carter and Lucretia go in to find directions and leave Twi with the smoking wreckage of the car to think about what she’s done. In reality she’s playing with the wires and has got the radio work by a complete accident. When Carter and Lucretia go in, they’re forced to go up, Lucretia protests and probably would have hit someone with a drink tray, except Carter (who I guess is on a mission or something) knows that the sooner they sing, the sooner they can leave and she can get back to work on her mission, plus she’s an attention hog and her singing voice isn’t half bad. So, she drags Lucretia up to the stage, and Lucretia, recognizing a kindred spirit through the haze of alcohol, sings too. Carter actually sings pretty well, Lucretia…well, for being buzzed she doesn’t do half bad…at least until she falls off the stage and decides she’d rather lay there. Carter doesn’t really care and is busy getting her groove on and completely steals the show.
13.) [6]Ivaniss and [8]Ivory have the same ticket for a seat at a football game, what do they do about it and who gets the seat?
Ivaniss: What, Oh screw this. Here, take my ticket and the seat. I don’t even know what I’m doing here. I hate football already and they haven’t even been playing for five minutes. Gah. –walks off, and curses when she steps in something sticky-
Ivory:-takes ticket and watches Ivaniss leave- …THANK YOU SHORT MYSTERY WOMAN! –crowd cheers and Ivory’s head snaps back to the game and she starts cheering too-
For the rest of the game, Ivory would ponder her good luck at sneaking into the super bowl and getting a ticket thrown at her by a short mystery woman.
14.) [3]Naren gets to choose anyone from 1 to 10 to dance with at the prom, who would it be and what would their and everyone else’s reaction be?
Everyone would line up and Naren whould choose Lucretia. Right after this, Aidan would leave, Robert would go (red faced) off to build something explosive, Carter would be a bit miffed that someone had been chosen over her, but not really care enough about Naren to do anything but toss her hair over a shoulder, plus she has a mission to finnish so she leaves too. Meanwhile, Lotte &co haven’t really been paying attention, and Lotte is asking Twi where she was last night and where Ivaniss and Arin went off to, and no one is really paying attention to Naren. Then Naren finds out that Lucretia is asleep with a slight hangover in the Waveland café in Boonville, Iowa for heavens sake and so he chooses Ivory instead. Ivory then tells him okay, but that she has pepper spray and a magnum in her car so he’d better not try anything funny.
15.) Everyone is celebrating New Year’s Eve, what are they all doing?(because this has sort of being connected, I’m just going to answer the ‘what are they all doing’ part)
Twi- After going to a party that got out of hand, stealing Aidan’s neighbor’s car, crashing it in a ditch in Boonville, Iowa outside the Waveland café and hotwiring the radio, she got bored and went inside, where she found Lotte and began to explain what she had been doing that night. Sometime during that explanation, she would have seen Robert and gone out to keep him company.
Lotte- She didn’t do too much. She went to the Waveland to get some coffee but the waitress spilled over her. Then she saw Naren who was stealing cookies. Too tired to stop him, she just made him give her some and ate them while listen to a couple girls do karaoke. Well, at least until one of them fell off the stage. The one who was still singing didn’t seem to notice.
Naren-After being abused by Lucretia in the first question, he went to a party and saw that she was there again. Liking the feisty ones and alcohol, he got locked in a closet with someone (it gets a bit fuzzy after that) and waking up outside, to find that small children were poking him with sticks. Not having anything else to do, he started walking down the road until he came to a café called the Waveland where he stole some cookies, saw Lotte who demanded cookies, and watched some idiots do karaoke until lo and behold) he saw the very girl who he was currently creeping on. He never saw he fall of the stage though, he was talking with Lotte.
Arin-After going to a party with Ivaniss the two of them accidentally to locked in a closet and played cards until it was over, which was a surprisingly short amount of time. He and Ivaniss then parted ways and he decided that with his winnings he would go see a movie. Unfortunately, only a sappy romantic movie was playing, so he went do see it. When he came out he decided that he would very much like to go eat ice cream and cry, so he shifted to wolf form and ran through the woods until he found a promising looking place, the Waveland café, and went in to eat ice cream and cry.
Lucretia- After getting a bit buzzed at a party, she took Twi and they got in a car, picked up a hitchhiker, crashed outside a café, somehow ended up singing karaoke and then she fell off the stage. She doesn’t remember too much after that.
Ivaniss- Went to a party, got locked in a closet and gambled with Arin for a shorter time than expected. When Arin went to see a movie, she decided to go to a football game whose’s ticket had mysteriously appeared in her pocket…and then she, Robert, Aidan and Ivory were magically transported to the Waveland Café. Yeah.
16.) What is everyone’s reaction now that this quiz is over?
Twi- that was fun! Lets do it again!
Lotte- that was boring
Naren- that was weird.
Arin- *sniff* *eats more ice cream*
Lucretia- zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Ivaniss- this has been a waste
Robert- -eyes narrow as he glares at Lokii- I hate you.
Ivory- This was..interesting. At least I got to see the superbowl
Aidan- You got to see the superbowl?! How? I just got mistaken for a girl by you’re drunken date!
Carter- Best mission I’ve been on in a while! >:D
Lokii- Hmm. Pretty fun. I got kinda bored
-------------------------
Na-na-na-na-Note(!): In this meme, there is smoking. Smoking is a bad thing. Aidan is an idiot in general, but doubly so for smoking. Just putting that out there. Stay in school kids. :(
1) Twi- read Lucretia's couple of sentances.
2) Lotte Vergrin- Almost motherly amazon. Treasure hunter.
3) Naren- Lesser Demon and general nusence to society.
4) Arin Huvan- a petty, semi-peace keeper and werewolf. Often seen tryign to do the right thing.
5) Lucretia Small-Superstitious messenger from a small mountion villiage. After bing attacked by a posession spirit, she lost all her memories and Twi's personality began to develop. It is unknown if Lucretia is actually in there somewhere
6) Ivaniss Wisst- Sarcastic, short, elf. Bannished from her homeland. Don't ask her about it.
7) Robert Pendragon- an evil (yet practical) genius. Wears glasses.
8) Ivory- Henchwench (like a hench man, but for women) of Robert. She and Aidan don't get along.
9) Aidan- Henchman of Robert. Likes guns. Smokes.
10) Agent Carter- the sadistic and sarcastic head of the spy agency. Most known for striking fear into the hearts of all. Often seen being the constant bane of street festivals.
NOTE: Because things like cars, email and karaoke do not exsist in Twi, Naren, Arin, Lucretia, Lotte and Ivaniss’s world, this meme will be set in present day, or at least Robert Pendragon &co.’s world and numbers one through six won’t question why
1.) [3]Naren is in need of advice from [5]Lucretia, what is it?
Naren- Oh hey, Lulu, I—
Lucretia- *hair turns to fire, skins melts off face, and she grabs Naren by the neck and whispers scarily*I’ve told you never to call me that. * throws Naren against a wall and storms off*
2.) [1]Twi, [2]Lotte, and [6]Ivaniss all have a crush on [4]Arin.
-snerk- -chortle- Bwahahahah!
Arin- Hey! It could happen!
Ivaniss- no. It really couldn’t
3.) [8]Ivory is working as a waiter/waitress and just spilt coffee over [2]Lotte.
Oh God! I’m so sorry ma’m! Here let me get you some napkins, I’m so so sorry! It’s not you’re fault, you’re fine…nothing really. Just apologizing and stained armor.
4.) [10]Agent Carter accidentally sent an e-mail to [7]Robert saying their inner darkest secret.
Robert’s mind would get the blue screen’o death for a while as his brain tried to process everything, but really, that level of fear (far greater than even being chased by timber wolves around a kitchen table while wearing socks and the floor is newly waxed) is impossibly for mortal man to feel, so all he would get is a pathetic little tingling. He would come out of the experience with new fear for Carter. He will also know the real reason why the stock market crashed, why Hitler was expelled from art school, and why the cubs haven’t on a game in the history of ever.
5.) [9]Aidan is throwing a party and only invites odd numbers. How does the party turn out?
That would be an interesting party. The Henchman of an evil genius throwing a party where he invites a brainwashed innocent, a lesser demon, the person who the brainwashed innocent used to be before she became brainwashed and innocent, and his boss. Rob would try to examine the time paradox that was before him in the form of Twi and Lucretia, but that wouldn’t work out because Twi is distracted by the lights and sounds, and Lucretia (who is an angry drunk) is buzzed and being surly. Naren would get completely drunk and invite Lucretia, Twi, and Aidan (who Naren is mistaking for a girl) to do shots off his chest. Twi would ask Rob what Naren meant, Rob would get a bit awkward, Aidan would glare at Naren and go off to smoke and Lucretia would bean Naren with a drink tray. Being a lesser demon and an embodiment of chaos and liking the feisty ones, Narne would fight back, but eventually be locked in a closet. After that, Robert would start trying to interview Lucretia and Twi again. Lucretia, who is thoroughly POed by now, shoves Robert in the closet with Naren and leaves with Twi. Naren meanwhile, thinking it’s …well, anyone but Robert, drunkenly flirts with him for about while before barfing on Rob and either falling asleep/passing out in Robert’s lap (it’s a small closet). Robert resumes banging on the closet door and yelling “Aidan! Get in here and unlock this door! He just threw up on me! Aidan!” Aidan meanwhile, is out smoking. When he finally comes back in, he hears his boss and opens the door to find Robert glaring at him, splotched with demon barf, and Naren who’s still unconscious. Aidan is a bit awkward and apologizes, they throw Naren out to the curb and Robert tells Aidan what he thinks of his party guests. Aidan says something about at least he liked one of them. Robert- What?
Aidan- Well, you were locked in a closet with him. To be honest I never really pegged you as the kind who, well, yeah. But, hey! It’s cool! I don’t discriminate. I guess this explains the ex-wife. I always wondered why you got the divorce, I mean, if you don’t mind me saying but she was hot.
Robert- …Aidan, I’m no—
Aidan- no, really it’s cool!
Robert- Aidan, I’m not gay.
Aidan- Oh…oh! I see. Still in the closet…no pun intended sir. Do your parents know?
Robert- Aidan, I’m not gay. You however, are an idiot. By the way, tomorrow it’s your turn to feed the leopard. Also, I divorced my ex-wife because she was a conniving, ill-tempered shrew of a woman who—
Aidan- NOT THE LEOPARD! ANYTHING BUT-*starts coughing and eventually hacks up a lung*
Robert- Yes aidan, the leopard.-steps over lung and leaves-
Hot day-um! I wanna go to that party!
6.) [4]Arin is locked in a closet with [6]Ivaniss at a party, what happens?
They decide that if they bang on the door people will with not hear them or assume that people are getting rowdy in the closet, and so they decide to play gin until the party’s over and then, once everyone’s gone and the parties over they’ll bang on the door so that just one person thinks that they were making out (or worse) instead of a bunch of people.
This probably doesn’t seem like the best idea, but they both love gambling, something that Lotte doesn’t like them doing.
7.) [2]Lotte just caught [3]Naren stealing cookies from the cookie jar.
Lotte: Gimmie some you hog.
Naren: -hands over a stack-
8.) [8]Ivory cranked up the music really loud at night and woke up [9]Aidan. What music is it and what happens next?
It is ‘Just a Girl’ by No Doubt, and he fires his gun at the CD player and yells at Ivory to keep it down, they’re supposed to be keeping watch for Carter’s spies. Then they start arguing about how sleeping is not keeping watch and how its quiet and how some people snore and they do this until Pendragon hears them though the reinforced steel walls of this evil lair and comes out to yell at them and spray them both with a squirt bottle. Then, a half hour later it would start up again because Aidan would realize that it was his CD player Ivory had been using.
9.) [7]Robert and [1]Twi are both at the bus stop together and it’s raining. What kind of conversation would they start?
Robert would be waiting and Twi would come out from a dinar and wait by the bus stop too, but with no umbrella. Robert would see her and ask Twi if she had an umbrella and she would say how she liked it better this way. They would end up talking in metaphors, adding onto it until it’s the most deep thing you’ve ever heard, and neither of them really know what they’re talking about anymore. Then Robert’s bus would get there and he would start to board. Twi would see the bus and head on back to the dinar. Robert would ask her if she was getting on the bus. She would reply no, she had just thought it looked like he could use some company. Once in the bus, and after checking to see if he still had his wallet, he would think about her and wonder if she had even been real or just some lost spirit. Technically she is, nobody knows it.
10.) [10]Agent Carter is hitchhiking by a road until [5]Lucretia accompanied with [1]Twi drive by, will they pick him/her up, or will 10 steal their car and leave them stranded instead?
Twi (who’s driving from the party because Lucretia’s buzzed and as we all know, buzzed driving is drunk driving) picks up Carter despite Lucretia saying they shouldn’t. At first Carter tries to commandeer the car but Lucretia glowers at her and points to the back. ‘Sit’. Recognizing kindred spirit, Carter does it without too much protest and they continue driving until Twi drives the car into a ditch ten minutes later, because, you know, Twi barely knows what a car even is.
11.) [9]Aidan, [7]Robert, and [4]Arin all run into each other after coming out from the same romance movie at the movie theater, what are their reactions?
Arin doesn’t have a clue who the other two are, and goes about his merry, slightly more in touch with his feminine side, way to go eat ice cream and have a good cry. Aidan and Robert run into each other and after a very awkward moment of staring and judging the other, they agree to never speak of it again.
12.) [5]Lucretia and [10]Agent Carter are forced to sing a duet song at karaoke. What is their reaction and are they at all good?
Ok, let’s set the scene: Twi, Lucretia and Carter have just crashed a car that was probably not theirs to begin with outside someplace that has karaoke. Carter and Lucretia go in to find directions and leave Twi with the smoking wreckage of the car to think about what she’s done. In reality she’s playing with the wires and has got the radio work by a complete accident. When Carter and Lucretia go in, they’re forced to go up, Lucretia protests and probably would have hit someone with a drink tray, except Carter (who I guess is on a mission or something) knows that the sooner they sing, the sooner they can leave and she can get back to work on her mission, plus she’s an attention hog and her singing voice isn’t half bad. So, she drags Lucretia up to the stage, and Lucretia, recognizing a kindred spirit through the haze of alcohol, sings too. Carter actually sings pretty well, Lucretia…well, for being buzzed she doesn’t do half bad…at least until she falls off the stage and decides she’d rather lay there. Carter doesn’t really care and is busy getting her groove on and completely steals the show.
13.) [6]Ivaniss and [8]Ivory have the same ticket for a seat at a football game, what do they do about it and who gets the seat?
Ivaniss: What, Oh screw this. Here, take my ticket and the seat. I don’t even know what I’m doing here. I hate football already and they haven’t even been playing for five minutes. Gah. –walks off, and curses when she steps in something sticky-
Ivory:-takes ticket and watches Ivaniss leave- …THANK YOU SHORT MYSTERY WOMAN! –crowd cheers and Ivory’s head snaps back to the game and she starts cheering too-
For the rest of the game, Ivory would ponder her good luck at sneaking into the super bowl and getting a ticket thrown at her by a short mystery woman.
14.) [3]Naren gets to choose anyone from 1 to 10 to dance with at the prom, who would it be and what would their and everyone else’s reaction be?
Everyone would line up and Naren whould choose Lucretia. Right after this, Aidan would leave, Robert would go (red faced) off to build something explosive, Carter would be a bit miffed that someone had been chosen over her, but not really care enough about Naren to do anything but toss her hair over a shoulder, plus she has a mission to finnish so she leaves too. Meanwhile, Lotte &co haven’t really been paying attention, and Lotte is asking Twi where she was last night and where Ivaniss and Arin went off to, and no one is really paying attention to Naren. Then Naren finds out that Lucretia is asleep with a slight hangover in the Waveland café in Boonville, Iowa for heavens sake and so he chooses Ivory instead. Ivory then tells him okay, but that she has pepper spray and a magnum in her car so he’d better not try anything funny.
15.) Everyone is celebrating New Year’s Eve, what are they all doing?(because this has sort of being connected, I’m just going to answer the ‘what are they all doing’ part)
Twi- After going to a party that got out of hand, stealing Aidan’s neighbor’s car, crashing it in a ditch in Boonville, Iowa outside the Waveland café and hotwiring the radio, she got bored and went inside, where she found Lotte and began to explain what she had been doing that night. Sometime during that explanation, she would have seen Robert and gone out to keep him company.
Lotte- She didn’t do too much. She went to the Waveland to get some coffee but the waitress spilled over her. Then she saw Naren who was stealing cookies. Too tired to stop him, she just made him give her some and ate them while listen to a couple girls do karaoke. Well, at least until one of them fell off the stage. The one who was still singing didn’t seem to notice.
Naren-After being abused by Lucretia in the first question, he went to a party and saw that she was there again. Liking the feisty ones and alcohol, he got locked in a closet with someone (it gets a bit fuzzy after that) and waking up outside, to find that small children were poking him with sticks. Not having anything else to do, he started walking down the road until he came to a café called the Waveland where he stole some cookies, saw Lotte who demanded cookies, and watched some idiots do karaoke until lo and behold) he saw the very girl who he was currently creeping on. He never saw he fall of the stage though, he was talking with Lotte.
Arin-After going to a party with Ivaniss the two of them accidentally to locked in a closet and played cards until it was over, which was a surprisingly short amount of time. He and Ivaniss then parted ways and he decided that with his winnings he would go see a movie. Unfortunately, only a sappy romantic movie was playing, so he went do see it. When he came out he decided that he would very much like to go eat ice cream and cry, so he shifted to wolf form and ran through the woods until he found a promising looking place, the Waveland café, and went in to eat ice cream and cry.
Lucretia- After getting a bit buzzed at a party, she took Twi and they got in a car, picked up a hitchhiker, crashed outside a café, somehow ended up singing karaoke and then she fell off the stage. She doesn’t remember too much after that.
Ivaniss- Went to a party, got locked in a closet and gambled with Arin for a shorter time than expected. When Arin went to see a movie, she decided to go to a football game whose’s ticket had mysteriously appeared in her pocket…and then she, Robert, Aidan and Ivory were magically transported to the Waveland Café. Yeah.
16.) What is everyone’s reaction now that this quiz is over?
Twi- that was fun! Lets do it again!
Lotte- that was boring
Naren- that was weird.
Arin- *sniff* *eats more ice cream*
Lucretia- zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Ivaniss- this has been a waste
Robert- -eyes narrow as he glares at Lokii- I hate you.
Ivory- This was..interesting. At least I got to see the superbowl
Aidan- You got to see the superbowl?! How? I just got mistaken for a girl by you’re drunken date!
Carter- Best mission I’ve been on in a while! >:D
Lokii- Hmm. Pretty fun. I got kinda bored
Wuv
Dear World,
Happy Valentines day.
Love always,
Lokii Fish
P.S.
Happy Chinese New Year too.
P.P.S.
It's the year of the Tiger. In case you didn't know.
P.P.P.S.
I'm the year of the Boar myself. I don't like that. Everyone else gets cool animals like roosters, dragons, rats, snakes, even the dog or the horse. But not me. I get the Boar. The pig. I don't even like bacon. Pork is okay, but bacon is just burned pig skin. Which sounds like something I would love, but it's not. So no happy valentines day to you if you're bacon. I'm sorry. It would never work out between us. It's not you. It's me. But mainly, it's you.
...
Talk about your messy breakups....sheesh...
P.P.P.P.S.
If I could choose what year I was, I think I'd like to be the rooster. Then if anybody asked, I could just say, 'I'm a cock'.
...
I'm probably the only person who wants to be the year of the rooster for that reason.
P.P.P.P.P.S.
I'm sorry about the poor quality of this card. I mean, its not even a card. It's compleatly last minute. No candy. No flowers. No basket of creams. No bear.
....
hmm...
Actually, except for the candy, you're not missing much. Unless the bear was, you know, an actual bear. Not one of those stuffed ones, but a real, honest to goodness bear. Sure, any yutz can go to Target with 30 bucks and get some little care bear thing. It takes real dedication to your boy/girlfriend to go out into the wilderness and hunt and capture a grizzly.
...
of course, I never actually went out and caught a bear for you. I never even brought down a deer for you. And I don't know about where you are, but I can see a couple eating our bushes from here. And yet, I don't go out there.
...
Of course, i'm not a compleat yutz because I never went and bought you a stupid little bear.
...
thus making me a slacker.
P.P.P.P.P.P.S.
Well, friggernaffy.
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S.
Of course, thats not what the true spirit of the Chinese New Year is. It's about...I've been trying to write what its about for about seven minutes now and it's not working. gah.
...
Just go out there, and stuff your cheeks with all the love and sugary pink candy you can, like some sork of derganged chipmunk. And happy Valentines day to all of you as well.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Argle Blargle
Sorry for abandoning this place for a while. I kinda forgot it existed. Yeah. Expect a lot(or at least a few...actually maybe a couple...well, at least one) post(s) from me this weekend, as I've had a few adventures since last I blogged.
Today's adventures were my Valentines Day adventures, even though we're still a couple days from Valentines day. Let me explain. I mean, it's not like you have a choice. I'm going to explain no matter what you do. I suppose you could hack my account, but why you would do that is beyond me. Okay, no it's not. CEASE RAMBLE. CONTINUE BLOG. Which when you think about it, really is just one big, occasionally illustrated* ramble, but whatever.
This week at my school, people could buy a carnation for their sweet heart/friend/person they're stalking/creeping on/themselves/anyone who goes to my school and so today they came, and everyone got them.
As someone who lost most all interest in Valentines day ever since we stopped decorating shoe boxes with stickers and construction paper and getting cheesy cards and candy from everyone else in class, I didn't buy anyone one. As someone with multiple defects and a big mouth, I didn't receive one. As someone who lives/has a locker in the 'Make-out hill' part of the school (the band hallway is to our school as Chicago is to the US, the art hallway is that scary dark alleyway with mysterious stains that you have to walk through to get home in less than two hours, and the area my locker is in is surrounded by at least five PDAing couples) the ground was littered with discarded petals, stems and the occasional flower head. Back to the story. I was walking around with my friend Hannah (check out her wares here:http://zwireworks.blogspot.com/) and she was saying how she was going to start a lonely hearts club for all the people who hadn't gotten flowers. Later, as we were walking past my locker area, there, lying on the ground amidst all the carnation carnage was...more carnage. So I picked up a flower head and gave it to her. Then we skipped about school, found a discarded stem, skipped to the art room and tapped them together. The moral of this story is that re gifting will save you a buck, and give you much more joy they simply buying a load of them and standing in front of my locker. That is if it's you and a friend. Do that to you're girlfriend (or boyfriend)because if (s)he's not the type who appreciates skipping, trips to the art hallway for tape, and you-had-to-be-there humor you're in trouble.
My other story happened a bit before this one, but it wasn't till I was talking with Hannah that I realized the full consequences of what had taken place. I actually did get a Valentines day gift today, but it was from the fates themselves and either far better or far worse than a flower (in my opinion. Maybe you like flowers more than mysterious cookies). So, anyways, I was walking down the hallway with my good buddy Lawrence (not his real name, but codenamed that until he chooses a better one. Why? Because code names are awesome) and we were talking about his rat Phillis's weird tumor that grew huge and then shrunk. I suggested that it could be a parasite and Lawrence was thoughtful as only Lawrence can be. That was when it happened. Yeah, thats right. It.
"Oh hey, look," said Lawrence suddenly, pointing at a blue plastic package that lay abandoned on the floor, "Oreos**." Lokii's eyes widened for a second she deliberated her next move. Moving quickly, lest the owner of the cookies come back and be angry and muscular, she swept the cookies up from the floor, hugging them to herself like a mother with a tasty, dangerous, possibly sprinkled with rat poison child***.
"What are you doing?" Lawrence asked her with a small, awkward laugh, "Do you know whose those are?"
"They're mine," she snapped, and, ancient scavenger survival instincts running amok through her veins, she hurried quickly to an empty corner of the hallway. Once there, and still followed by the bemused Lawrence, she sat down, unzipped her backpack and stuffed the cookies inside, "They're mine," she repeated once more, this time with more confidence.
The cookies are still in my backpack. The package is opened, but pretty much full, with maybe a third of the cookies eaten. They appear to be unmoldy and I ate one a few hours ago and have suffered no adverse affects so far. Knowing me, I'll probably save them for some impromptu hallway picnic. The moral of this story is not to leave you cookie lying on the floor. Creepy people like me exist who will take them, find out what rat poison looks like, check the cookies for them and eat them later with unknowing friends.
So anyway, right now you might be wondering, Lokii, this is all very nice, but what could this possibly have to do with Valentines day? WELL I'LL TELL YOU. While talking with Hannah, I realized that this was my Valentines day gift. Not from some pimply teenager who I don't care about, but from the universe, from luck and chance and not being picky about where my cookies come from. And so in conclusion, the world is either trying to put me to sleep, or give me a nice present. I'm really not sure which one. I can't rely on past experience with the universe and food either, because I already checked them for boxelder bugs.
Oh yeah, and just so onone is wondering why on earth my mother would let me keep floor oreos (other than to teach me a lesson), to keep my dearest Mutti's reputation safe, I haven't told my mom.
-------
* funny story. All my art is currently being done on the weird tree stuff (paper, I think is what it's called) and those weird stick things called pencils because my computer broke and my dad doesn't want me taking over his laptop with my tablet and photoshop. I'm sure you care.
** TM and whatnot
***It is apparent that Lokii would not be a good mother.
Today's adventures were my Valentines Day adventures, even though we're still a couple days from Valentines day. Let me explain. I mean, it's not like you have a choice. I'm going to explain no matter what you do. I suppose you could hack my account, but why you would do that is beyond me. Okay, no it's not. CEASE RAMBLE. CONTINUE BLOG. Which when you think about it, really is just one big, occasionally illustrated* ramble, but whatever.
This week at my school, people could buy a carnation for their sweet heart/friend/person they're stalking/creeping on/themselves/anyone who goes to my school and so today they came, and everyone got them.
As someone who lost most all interest in Valentines day ever since we stopped decorating shoe boxes with stickers and construction paper and getting cheesy cards and candy from everyone else in class, I didn't buy anyone one. As someone with multiple defects and a big mouth, I didn't receive one. As someone who lives/has a locker in the 'Make-out hill' part of the school (the band hallway is to our school as Chicago is to the US, the art hallway is that scary dark alleyway with mysterious stains that you have to walk through to get home in less than two hours, and the area my locker is in is surrounded by at least five PDAing couples) the ground was littered with discarded petals, stems and the occasional flower head. Back to the story. I was walking around with my friend Hannah (check out her wares here:http://zwireworks.blogspot.com/) and she was saying how she was going to start a lonely hearts club for all the people who hadn't gotten flowers. Later, as we were walking past my locker area, there, lying on the ground amidst all the carnation carnage was...more carnage. So I picked up a flower head and gave it to her. Then we skipped about school, found a discarded stem, skipped to the art room and tapped them together. The moral of this story is that re gifting will save you a buck, and give you much more joy they simply buying a load of them and standing in front of my locker. That is if it's you and a friend. Do that to you're girlfriend (or boyfriend)because if (s)he's not the type who appreciates skipping, trips to the art hallway for tape, and you-had-to-be-there humor you're in trouble.
My other story happened a bit before this one, but it wasn't till I was talking with Hannah that I realized the full consequences of what had taken place. I actually did get a Valentines day gift today, but it was from the fates themselves and either far better or far worse than a flower (in my opinion. Maybe you like flowers more than mysterious cookies). So, anyways, I was walking down the hallway with my good buddy Lawrence (not his real name, but codenamed that until he chooses a better one. Why? Because code names are awesome) and we were talking about his rat Phillis's weird tumor that grew huge and then shrunk. I suggested that it could be a parasite and Lawrence was thoughtful as only Lawrence can be. That was when it happened. Yeah, thats right. It.
"Oh hey, look," said Lawrence suddenly, pointing at a blue plastic package that lay abandoned on the floor, "Oreos**." Lokii's eyes widened for a second she deliberated her next move. Moving quickly, lest the owner of the cookies come back and be angry and muscular, she swept the cookies up from the floor, hugging them to herself like a mother with a tasty, dangerous, possibly sprinkled with rat poison child***.
"What are you doing?" Lawrence asked her with a small, awkward laugh, "Do you know whose those are?"
"They're mine," she snapped, and, ancient scavenger survival instincts running amok through her veins, she hurried quickly to an empty corner of the hallway. Once there, and still followed by the bemused Lawrence, she sat down, unzipped her backpack and stuffed the cookies inside, "They're mine," she repeated once more, this time with more confidence.
The cookies are still in my backpack. The package is opened, but pretty much full, with maybe a third of the cookies eaten. They appear to be unmoldy and I ate one a few hours ago and have suffered no adverse affects so far. Knowing me, I'll probably save them for some impromptu hallway picnic. The moral of this story is not to leave you cookie lying on the floor. Creepy people like me exist who will take them, find out what rat poison looks like, check the cookies for them and eat them later with unknowing friends.
So anyway, right now you might be wondering, Lokii, this is all very nice, but what could this possibly have to do with Valentines day? WELL I'LL TELL YOU. While talking with Hannah, I realized that this was my Valentines day gift. Not from some pimply teenager who I don't care about, but from the universe, from luck and chance and not being picky about where my cookies come from. And so in conclusion, the world is either trying to put me to sleep, or give me a nice present. I'm really not sure which one. I can't rely on past experience with the universe and food either, because I already checked them for boxelder bugs.
Oh yeah, and just so onone is wondering why on earth my mother would let me keep floor oreos (other than to teach me a lesson), to keep my dearest Mutti's reputation safe, I haven't told my mom.
-------
* funny story. All my art is currently being done on the weird tree stuff (paper, I think is what it's called) and those weird stick things called pencils because my computer broke and my dad doesn't want me taking over his laptop with my tablet and photoshop. I'm sure you care.
** TM and whatnot
***It is apparent that Lokii would not be a good mother.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Gleasts
Gleasts
Yes. That's right. Gleasts. I just had to type that in to comment on someones blog, and it made me laugh. It's a wonderful word. It's a wonderful...phrase. Gleasts. Ain't no passing (ain't no passing) craze! It means no worri- whoops. Wrong word. But anyways. Feast you're eyes and your mental ears (as well as your suppository nose) on the wonderful word that is GLEASTS.
...
...
it makes me think of bread. It also sounds kind of like a word that would have some sort of perverted connotation.
...
...wait..
...Ye Gods, it'd better not be
Yes. That's right. Gleasts. I just had to type that in to comment on someones blog, and it made me laugh. It's a wonderful word. It's a wonderful...phrase. Gleasts. Ain't no passing (ain't no passing) craze! It means no worri- whoops. Wrong word. But anyways. Feast you're eyes and your mental ears (as well as your suppository nose) on the wonderful word that is GLEASTS.
...
...
it makes me think of bread. It also sounds kind of like a word that would have some sort of perverted connotation.
...
...wait..
...Ye Gods, it'd better not be
insert witty title as needed
I need to start updating this again. I really do. I never suspected people would actually read my little ramblings, but apparently four people are at least pretending like they are. Go you guys! Nothing has really been happening lately. Thats not true though. My friend had a birthday party (here's her page: http://zwireworks.blogspot.com/ ) at which there was much fun, hilarity and I made a (tiny) pizza with sauce, cheese, gummy worms and cookies. It was one of the most disgusting things I've ever eaten. Imagine that warm pizza-y goodness, along with that sour sugery gummie goodness. They come together to create sour, chew pizza. The cookie part was okay, but we had a hard time getting the thing out of the pan. The gummies had melted and hardened, but they wern't half bad. They were about 70%-80% bad. If the concentration on alcohol in beer is the concentration of sugar in normal candy, this stuff was like mouthwash. Guh.
...
Hmm...still not long enough. How about I rant about how we're all slaves to socks? Okey-dokey then. Really. Think about it. If we don't wear socks, we get a weird foot funges from our shoes. If we don't wear our shoes then we can't go into places that we really need to be, like the doughnut shop or -- Gotta go again. I'll finnish this up when I get back from school. Tcheuse!
< ~~ <0))))>< ~~ <0)))><
...
Hmm...still not long enough. How about I rant about how we're all slaves to socks? Okey-dokey then. Really. Think about it. If we don't wear socks, we get a weird foot funges from our shoes. If we don't wear our shoes then we can't go into places that we really need to be, like the doughnut shop or -- Gotta go again. I'll finnish this up when I get back from school. Tcheuse!
Wow. Today was kind of brutle. I can barely remember this morning. I have to type up a script now. Bye.
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