Wuv

Dear World,

Happy Valentines day.

Love always,

Lokii Fish

P.S.

Happy Chinese New Year too.

P.P.S.

It's the year of the Tiger. In case you didn't know.

P.P.P.S.

I'm the year of the Boar myself. I don't like that. Everyone else gets cool animals like roosters, dragons, rats, snakes, even the dog or the horse. But not me. I get the Boar. The pig. I don't even like bacon. Pork is okay, but bacon is just burned pig skin. Which sounds like something I would love, but it's not. So no happy valentines day to you if you're bacon. I'm sorry. It would never work out between us. It's not you. It's me. But mainly, it's you.

...

Talk about your messy breakups....sheesh...

P.P.P.P.S.

If I could choose what year I was, I think I'd like to be the rooster. Then if anybody asked, I could just say, 'I'm a cock'.

...

I'm probably the only person who wants to be the year of the rooster for that reason.

P.P.P.P.P.S.

I'm sorry about the poor quality of this card. I mean, its not even a card. It's compleatly last minute. No candy. No flowers. No basket of creams. No bear.

....

hmm...

Actually, except for the candy, you're not missing much. Unless the bear was, you know, an actual bear. Not one of those stuffed ones, but a real, honest to goodness bear. Sure, any yutz can go to Target with 30 bucks and get some little care bear thing. It takes real dedication to your boy/girlfriend to go out into the wilderness and hunt and capture a grizzly.

...

of course, I never actually went out and caught a bear for you. I never even brought down a deer for you. And I don't know about where you are, but I can see a couple eating our bushes from here. And yet, I don't go out there.

...

Of course, i'm not a compleat yutz because I never went and bought you a stupid little bear.

...

thus making me a slacker.

P.P.P.P.P.P.S.

Well, friggernaffy.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S.

Of course, thats not what the true spirit of the Chinese New Year is. It's about...I've been trying to write what its about for about seven minutes now and it's not working. gah.

...

Just go out there, and stuff your cheeks with all the love and sugary pink candy you can, like some sork of derganged chipmunk. And happy Valentines day to all of you as well.